Sum of the Whole Read online

  “Come here.” Sarah crawled across the tile to Jaya’s feet. She lowered her head and, unbidden, covered the tops of Jaya’s feet in soft kisses. The sensation of Sarah’s lips on her skin and the image of her at her feet sent waves of excitement through her. She wrapped her hand in Sarah’s soft curls and hauled her to her feet. She leaned back on the counter and spread her legs. Jaya pinched Sarah’s nipples as she kissed her. She groaned into her mouth. She pushed Sarah to her knees and settled her face between her thighs.

  “Lick.” She kept her hands wrapped in Sarah’s hair, holding her in place.

  A soft moan escaped Sarah’s lips as she buried her tongue in Jaya’s core. Featherlight touches of her tongue over her clit made Jaya shiver. The wet heat of Sarah’s mouth as she sucked her harder forced a deep groan from Jaya. She shifted her stance, opening her legs wider, her breathing rough. She looked down and the sight of Sarah’s head between her legs, her hands wrapped around Jaya’s thighs, pushed her over the edge. Pleasure spiked through her. Core tightening, she came in a rush, rocking on Sarah’s face. Sarah lapped at her, her tongue sending shock waves of pleasure boarding on pain through Jaya.

  Jaya pushed her head away. She bent to kiss Sarah’s face, tasting herself on Sarah’s lips. She reached down and touched Sarah’s thighs, slick with want. She trailed a finger up, grazing her soft folds, and was rewarded with a moan that shook her to her core. She milked Sarah’s clit, rolling it between her finger and thumb, edging her closer to her release. Her hips bucked.

  “I’m…I’m going to come, Mistress. Oh. Please. I can’t…” Sarah’s hips rocked forward.

  “No. You. May. Not.” She pinched Sarah’s clit hard with each word and Sarah cried out, shaking with her effort not to come. Jaya pulled her hand away from Sarah and lowered herself into the tub. Sarah clutched the edge of the vanity with shuddering breaths. She picked up the washcloth and knelt on the tiles. Hands trembling, she began washing Jaya.

  The soft sound of water dripping and splashing soothed Jaya. Sarah worked slowly and Jaya relaxed into her touch. She closed her eyes as Sarah sluiced water over her to rinse away the soap. She stood and the lavender-scented water rolled off her skin. Sarah handed her a towel as she stepped from the tub.

  Jaya toweled off. She wrapped herself in a silk robe and unpinned her hair, shaking it out. She snapped her fingers and Sarah crawled to her.

  “Stand. Hands behind your back.” Sarah rose. Jaya reached between her legs and Sarah trembled. Jaya slipped one finger in and out, drawing its pad over Sarah’s clit. She drew her finger up her body, stopping at Sarah’s nipple, and rubbed the wetness on her finger over it. She pinched and tugged it as she dipped her head to take the other into her mouth. She rolled her tongue over her nipple, sucking hard and grazing it with her teeth. Sarah shifted her stance, squeezing her legs together. Jaya swatted her hips and she stilled. The soft gasps from Sarah’s lips as Jaya worked her nipples harder sent a new round of slickness down Jaya’s thighs. She savaged Sarah’s nipples with her mouth and her fingers. The soft gasps gave way to deeper moans.

  “Please, Mistress. Please touch me. Let me come for you.” Tears welled in Sarah’s eyes, her voice loud in the small room.

  Not yet. Not until you beg. Not until I hear your word. Jaya stopped and turned away. A sharp sob broke from Sarah. Jaya snapped her fingers. Sarah dropped to her knees. Jaya walked away, knowing that Sarah had no choice but to follow. She led her to the bedroom. Almost. Almost there. Sarah’s soft sobs echoed in the hallway as she crawled after Jaya.

  A single candle lit the bed, leaving the rest of the room in darkness. Jaya pointed to the king-size bed framed by thick posts and an ornate mirrored canopy. A quiet Sarah mounted the bed. No pushback now. Sarah lay back.

  “Face up. Hands over your head.” She took the low-melt candles she had prepared from the side table. She didn’t have to bind Sarah. Her heart ached as she watched her arrange herself. The trust in her eyes as she lifted her arms over her head threatened to break Jaya. Trust. Absolute trust. In me.

  She smoothed her hand over Sarah’s skin. Her nipples were still hard and dark red from Jaya’s attention. Sarah arched her back into Jaya’s touch, her eyes wide open. She sighed under Jaya’s hands as she held her gaze. No fear. Trust. And love. Love. This is love. Her willingness to accept Jaya’s pain, to trust Jaya with her body, was love, deep, honest, and raw. She was willing to enter a dark room without negotiation, with no contract other than a single word. She trusted Jaya to not take her beyond what she was capable of, trusted her to understand, trusted her to stop at a single word.

  Tears pricked Jaya’s eyes and she blinked them back. Am I worthy? Sarah’s trust had nothing to do with money or compensation. When? When will she trust me with her heart? Will she ever say it? Will I? The strong smell of sulfur filled the room as she lit the candle.

  The first splatter of wax traced a line down Sarah’s stomach, and the sound of her sharp intake of breath caressed Jaya’s ears. Sarah hissed as the wax cooled. Jaya waited until the wax had hardened before she began again. She dripped a line over Sarah’s breasts, stopping short of the hard peaks of her nipples. She moved the candle, pouring small splashes of wax over Sarah’s belly. Sarah’s knuckles were white where she gripped the headboard, and she whimpered with each drop that hit her skin but made no move to cover herself.

  “Spread yourself.” Jaya kept her eyes on Sarah’s face, gauging her reaction. Tears spilled from the submissive’s eyes, wetting the sheets. She moved her legs to opposite sides of the bed. She let go of the headboard and wrapped her hands in the sheet near her hips, clenching it in her fists. Her core glistened in the glow of candlelight. Jaya brought her fingertips to Sarah’s seam and dipped into the wetness there. She smeared it over Sarah’s clit, stroking it with the pad of her thumb. She rubbed her clit in slow circles as she dribbled a long line of wax over Sarah’s inner thigh. Sarah’s sharp gasps of pain accompanying each drip of the hot wax had Jaya breathing hard. Sarah’s hips lifted as she arched up, trying to get more contact with Jaya’s hand. Say it. Let me hear it. Beg me.

  Sarah’s breath was harsh now with her effort not to come as Jaya continued to rub and tease her. She alternated giving pain and pleasure in equal measure. Sarah’s gasps had given way to a continuous moaning sound of need. Another splash of wax and Jaya set the candle aside. She entered her slowly, closing her eyes against the deliciousness of Sarah hot and wet around her fingers. She worked her fingers in and out, measuring Sarah’s response, watching as pain and pleasure played out over her face. I need. I want. Her. Her pleasure. My pleasure. Her pain. My pain. I need. I want. Sarah’s core clenched tighter around her fingers. So close.

  “Look up, Sarah.”

  Their eyes met in the mirror over the bed. Sarah’s reflection in the mirror, her legs spread for Jaya with lines of wax hardened on her skin, was exquisite. Her wine-red nipples stood out against her white skin. Sarah’s expression was bold. Her hips arched and she clenched around Jaya’s hand. She held Jaya’s gaze, mouth open, lips wet.

  “Please, Mistress. More. Please.” Sarah kept her eyes locked on Jaya’s face as she rocked herself, seeking more of Jaya.

  Jaya added a finger, opening her, and returned Sarah’s gaze. A surge of wetness dripped down Jaya’s thighs and she shifted to press her clit on Sarah’s thigh. Mine. Be mine. Be mine. I need. I want. She added another finger, finding her sweet spot. Running the pads of her fingers over it, she forced a moan from Sarah. She slowed down, taking her time and letting Sarah adjust to her. She kept the pressure on Sarah’s clit, rubbing in slow circles. Slickness covered her hand. She tucked her thumb, her eyes locked on Sarah’s eyes, and entered her fully. She pushed forward until she was wrist deep. A chest rattling groan shook Sarah’s body and Jaya stopped. Sarah’s eyes were closed; her jaw slack. Pleasure suffused her features. Jaya kept her hand still, letting the moment play out between them.

  “Open your eyes,” she whispered. Her Sarah. Her wor
ld. She wanted Sarah in her life in and out of bed. Mine. The word was back. Loud. Insistent. She moved slowly, pushing forward and rocking Sarah gently. She watched in the mirror as Sarah’s mouth opened. Say it. Say it now. Jaya made it last, keeping her on the edge between pain and pleasure. She dragged the pad of her thumb softly over Sarah’s thick clit, stretched taut with Jaya’s hand inside her. She ground herself on Sarah’s thigh, her own pleasure hovering out of reach. Sarah’s skin shone with sweat. She panted, trembling with her effort to not come.

  “Mistress…” Sarah’s body shook. Her eyes clouded with misery. “I can’t. I need.”

  “Look at me. Give me what I want.” Jaya gazed into Sarah’s eyes; no mirror between them.

  “One.” Sarah’s voice was a harsh whisper.

  “Come for me.”

  Sarah screamed out her passion, her core clenching tight and then opening to draw Jaya deeper. Us. We. Surrendering to the sensation and the flow of power between them, Jaya shouted as she came with Sarah, her eyes wide open. Us. We. Passion and power flowed in and around them, through them, binding them. Binding Jaya to the only woman to ever refuse her, the only woman she had ever loved. Binding her body, mind, and soul.

  Later, after they had cleaned up and eaten and Sarah was asleep, tucked in beside her, Jaya lay awake, wondering how she would ever be able to let her go back to her apartment.

  JAYA HUMMED TO herself as she made their coffee. The faint smell of cinnamon and sandalwood and sex announced Sarah’s arrival.

  “Morning.” Sarah took the cup of coffee from Jaya. She leaned against the counter, sipping the steaming brew. Jaya opened the refrigerator and brought out the eggs she had made sure to purchase so Sarah could have breakfast.

  When she turned back, Sarah’s eyes were hard and her mouth set in a thin line. She pointed to the worn photograph of Jaya sandwiched between Deidre and Andrea. Fuck. Should have tossed that when I thought about it.

  “Friends of yours?”

  “The redhead is Deidre.”

  “The woman who left you? Why do you still have her picture up?

  “Jealous?”

  “Curious.”

  “I don’t know.” Liar. Jaya sipped her coffee, avoiding Sarah’s eyes.

  “You look happy.” Sarah stepped closer, pulling the picture from under the magnet to study it. “The other woman, how do you know her?”

  “My ex-best friend and business partner. Deidre left me for her.”

  Sarah’s hand trembled. “Nice friends you have.” She placed the photograph on the counter face down.

  “You want breakfast? I picked up some eggs.”

  “No.” She placed her coffee cup in the sink. “Not hungry.” She left the kitchen.

  What the hell was that about? Jaya put the eggs away and refilled her cup.

  Sarah was in the living room. She walked along the bookshelves, stopping to turn her head to read some titles. She lingered in front of the bookcase that held a photograph of Jaya’s family. Jaya settled on the couch with her coffee, waiting until Sarah had finished examining the bookshelf. She stared at the walnut-framed photograph. Here we go. In the photograph, Jaya was sitting on a pony, a broad grin on her brown face. Her very pregnant mother stood with her arm around Jaya’s waist, and Jaya’s father stood with his arm around her mother. It was the last happy photo of them as a family.

  “You’re…” Sarah picked up the photograph.

  Jaya cut her off. “Adopted? Yes.”

  “That’s not what I was going to ask, but okay.” She placed the photograph back on the shelf.

  “How old were you?”

  “In the picture? Six. I was an infant when I was adopted. My mom had cancer as a young woman and no agency in the US would approve them for adoption. They adopted me from a family in Mumbai. At least, that’s what they called it. I’m pretty sure they bought me. Baby girls are cheap in the slums.”

  Sarah sat down next to Jaya and snuggled into her. “You didn’t have to tell me that, but I’m glad you did.” She kissed Jaya on the cheek before she walked back to the kitchen. Jaya heard her opening and closing cabinets.

  “The frying pan is in the cabinet next to the stove. Eggs are in the fridge,” Jaya yelled from the sofa. The smell of butter heating in the pan forced her from the couch and she joined Sarah for breakfast.

  “ARE THESE YOUR sketches?” Sarah held up an unfinished drawing Jaya had left on the coffee table.

  Jaya took the sketch from her hand. “Something to pass the time.” She gathered up the other loose sheets of vellum scattered on the table and tucked them away. Sarah frowned at her. She sat down next to her on the sofa, her thigh pressed against Jaya’s leg.

  “You sketched a lot at Rowan House. I’d watch you from the window when I was supposed to be cleaning.” She ran her fingertips over Jaya’s hand, before entwining their fingers. “Martha punished me several times but it was worth it to see you so lost in your work. Do you know you twirl your hair when you’re concentrating?”

  Her intimate smile made Jaya’s heart ache. She had filled a sketchbook in her eight weeks at Rowan House and many more since she had found her way back to herself.

  “Did you study art? You have an extensive art history library.” Sarah moved to curl her body into Jaya’s lap. She rested her head on Jaya’s shoulder. Her weight was comforting, and the press of her body warmed Jaya. “I wish we had met outside Rowan House. I want to know you.” She turned in Jaya’s arms to brush Jaya’s mouth with her lips.

  Her words crept inside Jaya’s heart and she held Sarah tighter. “You know what’s important.” Jaya carded her hair, twisting her fingers in the thick ringlets at the base of Sarah’s neck.

  “I know what you show the world and your lovers.” She leaned into Jaya’s palm. “I want all of you—everything, the good and the bad.”

  Not everything. Not the dark, awful things. Jaya pulled her into a kiss and nibbled Sarah’s lower lip. She dropped her hand to Sarah’s breast and thumbed her nipple through the soft fabric of her gown. Sarah moaned against her lips and Jaya’s clit swelled. She teased the inside of Sarah’s mouth with her tongue, tasting her. She dropped her hand to Sarah’s lap and rubbed her knuckles against the bundle of nerves at the top of her sex. Sarah spread her legs and Jaya pressed harder. With a soft “oh,” Sarah broke their kiss and her head dropped back. Jaya nibbled her neck and kissed her under her ear.

  “You’re changing the subject.” She flattened her hand against Jaya’s chest.

  “Objections?” Jaya lightened the pressure on Sarah’s clit as she rubbed in tight circles. Sarah’s breaths came quicker. She pushed into Jaya’s hand, seeking more contact.

  “Greedy.” She nipped Sarah’s neck and pushed harder against her clit.

  “Oh, ah, yes.” Sarah pushed her hips against her hand and Jaya gave her what she needed. She held Sarah as she came, her head back and mouth open in a silent O. Beautiful. Jaya studied her face, even though she had seen Sarah come many times before. Beautiful surrender. All of me. I don’t even like all of me, so how could she ever want all of me? And yet Jaya wanted all of her. She craved to know more about the woman in her arms.

  Jaya thrived on fear. She understood it, trading on her presence and her size to instill it. And yet she feared this conversation, afraid she would tell Sarah something that would drive her away. Sarah was unafraid to ask, confident she wanted to hear all Jaya had to tell. Her trust broke Jaya.

  “You’re not ending this discussion.” Sarah spoke in a whisper, but the edge in her voice as she brought her hands up to cup her face shocked Jaya. It was her turn to be pinned by a hard gaze. Lust roiled within her. In her life, she had only bent her knee to one woman. She wanted to grab Sarah’s hands and force them down, force her down in her place, and yet she didn’t. A rill of pleasure surged through her. Her body warred with her mind, her hard clit winning the argument. Sarah dropped her head to her mouth and kissed her. Lips rough, she thrust her tongue into Jaya’s mouth, m
aking her crave Sarah’s tongue on her clit. She groaned into Sarah’s mouth as Sarah slid her hand down and unbuttoned Jaya’s shirt. She slipped her hand inside and rolled her nipple, pulling it into a hard peak. I need. I want. This. Under her.

  Jaya was dizzy with excitement. She relaxed under Sarah’s hands as she shifted her weight, pushing her back on the couch and forcing her knee between Jaya’s legs. She lifted the edge of her gown to grind her hips into Jaya. She could have pushed Sarah off her at any time but Jaya didn’t. The pleasure of giving over raced through her. The clothing separating their bodies drove Jaya mad and she reached for Sarah.

  “No.” Sarah lifted herself away from Jaya’s hands. “Over your head.”

  Comply or turn the tables. She hesitated. A hard look and something she had never seen in Sarah’s eyes made her comply. Do I look at her like that? Feral. Wild. Hungry.

  “Now.” Sarah crossed her arms over her chest and raised her chin.

  The satisfied look in Sarah’s eyes when she lifted her long arms overhead and clasped the arm of the couch let Jaya know she had chosen wisely. She needs. She wants.

  “Keep them there.” Sarah dragged herself over Jaya’s body. She stopped to unbutton Jaya’s jeans. She slid a finger inside the edge of the waistband of Jaya’s briefs and wiggled it lower, brushing Jaya’s clit. Jaya shifted her hips and Sarah stopped. Forcing herself to lay still, Jaya waited, her breath harsh in her ears. Yes, this. This. I want this. To give in to her. I trust you. Trust you with my body. Trust you with me. She held Sarah’s gaze and waited for Sarah’s command, surrendering her power and trusting Sarah to take it in and give back pain and pleasure. Trust. Let go.

  She thought of the first time she’d experienced power play and of the woman who had taught her more about herself in one short week than she had known in her previous nineteen years. She lay back. Let go.

  Sarah smiled as she pulled Jaya’s jeans down, exposing her slickness. She slipped a finger through her folds and brought it to her lips. Jaya groaned when Sarah licked her fingertip and sucked it into her mouth.