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  Deidre pressed the knife harder into Jaya’s skin. The sharp bite of the blade and a trickle of warm blood down her neck made Jaya wince.

  Andrea’s eyes went wide. “Enough, Deidre! Enough.” Andrea was pale. Jaya knew she wouldn’t have the stomach for what she had threatened. She had passed out watching edge play at a play party and paid for others to do her wet work for years. Deidre pulled the blade away and shoved Jaya hard enough she fell. Diedre picked up the kubotan and stepped back out of Jaya’s reach. She walked to the side of Andrea’s chair and sat on the arm, keeping the knife in her hand pointed at Jaya.

  Jaya sat up slowly. She took her handkerchief from her pocket and wiped her neck.

  “How much do you want?”

  Andrea smiled an ugly smile that did not reach her eyes. “At last. That is the Jayjay I know.” She toyed with the hem of Deidre’s dress, fingering the fabric. “I outlined what I wanted in the note, but now—” She slipped her fingers higher, tracing them over Deidre’s thigh. “—the price has gone up.”

  “No. I’ll give you what you gave her after Rowan House. No more.” Jaya stood up, raising her hands palms out.

  “I don’t think you’re in the position to bargain.” Deidre’s eyes locked on Jaya’s face.

  “Unless you’re skilled in knife throwing, you’re screwed, Deidre. You won’t get the drop on me again. And Bert is twenty floors down. So you better be sure before you try anything else.” She fixed her gaze on Andrea’s face. “Andrea, did you forget I was your business partner? Information? I know the tax office would love to have the second set of books from the club.” Andrea paled.

  “You knew?” She shifted in her seat, avoiding Jaya’s gaze.

  “That you cheated me? That you laundered drug money? That you cheated the government? And all our suppliers? Yeah, I knew.” Jaya stepped closer and Deidre stood up, keeping the knife between them. “This has the stink of you all over it, Deidre. Andrea may be a cheat, but she’s never been into blackmail.”

  “She thinks small.” Deidre shrugged.

  “Here’s the deal. One-time offer. I give you what you gave Sarah after the incident at Rowan House. You never contact her again.” She leveled her eyes at Deidre. “That goes for you too.”

  “Or what?” Deidre tilted her chin at Jaya and curled her lip. Distracted, she let the knife drift down and Jaya knocked it from her hand. She closed her fingers around Deidre’s throat.

  “Do you want to find out?” She tightened her fingers around Deidre’s neck until the skin under her fingertips went white. Jaya kept a steady pressure on her throat. “Take the deal, or I’ll turn over the copy of the second set of books you kept for the club to the IRS. Do we have a deal, Andrea?”

  “I’ll take it.” Andrea pulled on Jaya’s sleeve. “Let her go. I’ll take it.”

  Jaya leaned close to Deidre’s face. “Don’t ever come at me again unless you intend to finish me, or I’ll finish you.”

  Jaya let go. She pulled a counter check from her inside jacket pocket. Andrea blanched. Deidre stopped rubbing her neck, greed trumping self-pity.

  “You had the check written out the whole time.” Andrea slumped in the chair, hands covering her face.

  Jaya dropped the check on the floor and walked out, leaving them to argue over the money. She bet on Deidre in the end.

  Chapter Eighteen

  JAYA CROSSED THE street for the second time, trying to shake the man following her. He was clumsy at his job, and she had picked him up a few blocks before. Not a professional, too obvious. Who the fuck is he? Who is he working for? She ran down the stairs to the train station platform. She waited out of the way, watching the stairs. When she was sure he had not followed her, she left without buying a ticket. Her mistake, she would tell Sarah later, was overconfidence.

  I’M ALIVE. FUCK that hurts…damn the light is bright…I’m cold. Jaya tried to sit up. Her eyelids were sticky and she couldn’t open them. She swiped her hand over her eyes. Warm liquid covered her fingers. Blood. Sharp-edged pain arched through her body, making her dizzy and nauseous. She lay back. The smell of antiseptic and coppery, fresh blood flooded her senses. Someone’s hurt hospital fuck it’s me.

  “Don’t move. Is there someone to call?” Call? The thoughts piled one upon the other as she tried to speak.

  “Sarah. Phone,” she managed to say, her voice sounding distant and small to herself.

  JAYA WOKE TO the hum and beep of machines. The room was dim. She shifted and pain ripped its way through her, forcing her to take a breath. She had never felt this weak or in this much pain in her life. Not a dream… Damn, how can I feel this much pain and still be alive? One of the machines sounded its alarm, the noise obscenely loud in the tiled room. A woman in scrubs entered the room. “CARA RN ST. LUKE’S” her name tag read. Jaya waited until she had shut off the alarm to speak.

  “Is it always that loud?”

  “Can’t hear them at the nurse’s station if they aren’t. How’re you feeling?”

  “Awful. Thirsty. Can I have some water?”

  “Not surprised. Ice chips to start. You want something for pain?”

  “Yes. What happened?”

  “Do you remember any of it?”

  “I was waiting—for what?” Disjointed images flooded Jaya’s mind. What was I waiting for? Train? No. Car? No. What? She clenched the sheets in frustration.

  “Don’t struggle. You’ve had a lot of medication. Sometimes it takes a bit for everything to come back. You were stabbed and fainted. You hit your head. The stab wound wasn’t terribly bad, but hitting your head on the curb didn’t do you any favors.” The nurse entered numbers into a control panel on the medication pump and tucked a handset into Jaya’s hand. “You feel anything you don’t like, push this button. It has safety parameters so you can’t overdose. Don’t let anyone else push it but you.”

  Anyone else? Jaya tried to see into the dark corners of the room. Who the hell else would push the button? She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts, and wished the next second she hadn’t. Sharp pain shot through her head. She groaned and pushed the button on the handset.

  “Feel like company? Your wife’s waiting to see you.” The nurse rested her hand on Jaya’s shoulder.

  The pain eased, to be replaced by a distinct feeling of drowsiness, and Jaya struggled to hold on to the threads of the nurse’s question. She fought back against the urge to sleep, forcing her eyes open. Wife? Wife? Jaya was reasonably sure she did not have a wife, but she let it slide. “Uh, yeah, sure.”

  “The police will be round to talk to you too, but I’ll give you a few minutes before I tell them you’re awake. I’ll bring you some ice chips when I come back.”

  Followed. I was being followed. The door squeaked open. Jaya shifted to see the backlit figure entering the room. She tried to sit up, but the dizziness in her head forced her to lie back and close her eyes. Soft hands cupped her face and gentle lips touched her forehead.

  Cinnamon and sandalwood. Sarah. Here. She relaxed under her hands. She opened her eyes, noting the deep circles and traces of tears wetting Sarah’s cheeks. She reached for Sarah’s hand and held it.

  “I’m sorry.” Jaya squeezed her hand. Sarah squeezed back hard.

  “What are you sorry for? Other than scaring the hell out of me.” She leaned closer to Jaya and lowered her voice to a whisper. “Who did this? Andrea? Deidre? I got a text from a number I didn’t recognize telling me it was all taken care of. I’m so sorry. I should’ve gone to the police.”

  Tears slid down her cheeks. Jaya raised her hand and touched her face, wiping them away with her thumb. “No. This isn’t part of that business. Not Andrea’s style. I don’t know what happened or who did this. So, you’re my wife now?”

  “I had to tell them I was your wife or they wouldn’t let me stay.” She held Jaya’s gaze.

  “Well, that clears that up. I was worried we might have run off to Vegas or something and I didn’t remember it.” She tried
to laugh but a sharp, stinging ache under the bandages over her ribs choked it off. She hissed with the pain. “Damn, this hurts.” She lifted her hand to her hair. What. The. Fuck? Stubble tickled her fingers where her hair had been.

  “They had to shave your head a bit to stop the bleeding inside and close the gash on your head.” Sarah took Jaya’s hand down from her head. “They took the bandage off. Don’t touch the staples.”

  “This just gets better.” Jaya let Sarah hold her hand and closed her eyes. She heard the door open and looked up. The nurse was flanked by a man wearing an ill-fitting gray suit. Cop.

  “Ms. Pomroy?” The man held a notebook in his hand, reading from it.

  “I am.” Jaya was more focused now. Years of dealing with police made her wary.

  “I’m Detective Anderson. Do you feel well enough to answer some questions? If not, I can come back later.”

  “I feel okay, but I don’t remember much.” Jaya held tight to Sarah’s hand. “You don’t mind if my wife stays, do you?”

  The officer cleared his throat. He glanced at Sarah and rubbed his chin. He looked down at his notebook. “No. Fine. Of course.”

  Jaya answered his questions until the nurse chased him out. Sarah helped her with some ice chips and then settled herself into a recliner the nurse brought in for her. The questions helped Jaya piece together some of what had happened. Her head ached and she pushed the button on the handset and fell asleep to the hum of the machine and the soft click of the keys on Sarah’s laptop.

  “HEY, YOU.” DANA’S voice rumbled in the quiet room. She squeezed Jaya’s hand. “I got something for you.” She held up a thick tan envelope and handed it to Jaya. Jaya opened it and peered inside before she dumped the brightly colored construction paper cards on the bed.

  “The kids miss you.” Dana held up a roll of white tape. “The nurse said we could tape them up.”

  Jaya looked at all of them, running her fingers over the pencil and crayon scrawls that wished her well. She missed her kids. My kids. At least as close as I’m ever going to get to having kids. Sarah came in and Jaya made introductions.

  “What are all these?” She gestured to the cards.

  “My kids.” Jaya pointed to Dana. “I teach Tae Kwon Do at her school.”

  Sarah raised an eyebrow. “You never said anything about teaching kids.”

  “You never asked.” Jaya raised her own eyebrow. Sarah huffed, her exasperation palpable in the small room.

  Dana cleared her throat, breaking the tension. “I’m going to go now. Don’t worry about your class, Jaya. I’m teaching it until you get back. Nice meeting you.” She nodded at Sarah.

  Sarah held up a card and the tape. “You’re a woman of surprises and contradictions. First erotic drawings and now you teach kids.” She taped the largest card, a big red heart from Jacob with Get Well Soon XXOO scrawled in purple crayon, to the wall and stepped back to pick up another card off Jaya’s bed.

  “It’s exhausting being a badass all of the time.” Jaya cocked her eyebrow.

  Sarah laughed and ran her hand over Jaya’s hand, her touch stirring Jaya’s desire in spite of the setting and the dull pain in her head.

  She caught Sarah’s hand in her own and pulled her closer. “I can’t wait to get out of this bed and get you into mine.”

  Sarah quirked her mouth. “Let’s work on getting you out of this bed first.” She pulled her hand free.

  JAYA FIDGETED WITH her sheets. She was ready to leave the hospital. She was tired of the constant checks and the noise of the machines that sounded their alarm every time she managed to fall asleep. The pain was better now. She could sit up without wanting to scream. Her thoughts were less jumbled, although she still had no memory beyond waiting for the light to change. She ran her hand over the stubble on her head and blew out a breath. Sarah. How will she be when this is over? She had come to the hospital and kept up the ruse of being Jaya’s wife. She stayed with her every minute, finding others to cover her classes. Jaya didn’t know how it would be, and whenever she flirted or tried to talk about future plans, Sarah changed the subject.

  The doctors had promised her she would be able to go home in the morning if her laboratory tests showed her blood count was stable. She shifted in the bed and her knees banged into the over-bed table. Sarah looked up from her laptop and frowned at Jaya.

  “You okay?” She put her laptop aside and came to the bedside. She checked the water pitcher. “I’ll get you some more.” She picked up the pitcher and turned to leave.

  “No.” Jaya pushed herself up in the bed. “I didn’t want water.”

  Sarah replaced the pitcher and crossed her arms. “What then?” Her expression was closed and her voice flat.

  “It occurred to me I hadn’t said thank you.” Not what I wanted to say. How can I put it into words she’ll believe? How can I tell her I love her and want her to be my wife and not have it sound like the desperate plea it is?

  Sarah raised an eyebrow. “You’re welcome.” She looked down and away from Jaya.

  “What about after?” Jaya fisted her hands in the sheets. “After I’m home?” The idea of going home to her empty apartment and even emptier life filled her with dread.

  “We’ll talk about it after we get you home.” Sarah turned away, shutting down their conversation.

  Jaya relaxed her grip on the sheet. She lay back, surprised at how tired she was.

  JULIE DROPPED THEM off and they took the elevator up to Jaya’s apartment. A new security system and a paid guard at the front door made Jaya feel a bit more relaxed. She was still a bit dizzy at times and had been told not to exercise until her brain healed from the concussion. She had heard from the nurses and physicians more than once how lucky she had been to survive her head injury.

  They had settled into a routine at the hospital. Comfortable and sweet and so unlike anything Jaya had ever known. She had wanted out of the hospital, but their days would change and she was melancholy thinking of how it might end.

  “So.” Sarah clutched the strap of her worn messenger bag. “I’m sure you’re tired. I’m going to go. I’ll text you tomorrow.” She lifted her hand to wave good-bye and dropped it. Stepping close, she pressed her body against Jaya in a quick hug.

  Jaya wanted to kiss her; wanted to press her against the wall and kiss her for days, until they both were weak in the knees. “Please let Julie drive you.”

  “It’s early. I’ll take the train.” Her hand rested on the doorknob.

  “Please stay.” There. I said it. The way that Sarah set her mouth told her she had already decided on leaving, and no matter what Jaya said, she would not stay.

  “No. I need to get back to my life. Nothing’s changed, Jaya.”

  “But the hospital. You came. You stayed.” Jaya let an edge of bitterness creep into her voice. “We’re just friends now? What the fuck, Sarah?”

  Sarah raised her gaze to chin level. “I care for you, Jaya. But I told you before I don’t want any strings.”

  “Strings. Fuck you and your strings. I’m not asking to keep you locked up. I’m asking for you to give us a chance. I’m asking you to give me another chance. I managed to fix the Andrea problem, didn’t I?”

  “And you almost got yourself killed in the process. How many other people are there out there that want to kill you, Jaya?

  “I can’t change who I’ve been any more than you can. I can only change going forward.”

  “I’m trying to live a quiet, boring life. Finish my dissertation. Get a tenured position somewhere and teach. I can’t have all this damn drama. Friends, that’s all we can be, friends.”

  “Friends. Fine.” Jaya was tired. Tired of the angry dance, tired of trying to convince Sarah she loved her, tired of trying to prove herself. Let it go. Dizzy from standing and too tired to fight, she left Sarah in the kitchen and slumped on the living room couch. Memories of their bodies, tangled on the couch, flooded her mind. Friends. How can we ever ignore what was between us? He
r head ached almost as much as her heart. She waited, expecting to hear the door slam.

  “I’ll text you when I get home.” Sarah left. The firm click as she shut the door echoed in the apartment, and Jaya closed her eyes against the pain.

  Chapter Nineteen

  SHE WAS STRONGER now, still not cleared to spar, but she had been able to get back to teaching and it had been better for her heart than anything. Traffic was thick, and she had Julie drop her off two blocks from the studio and walked the rest of the way to the dojang. Belt testing was today and she wanted to be there early. Her students were ready but she knew they would be nervous. Jacob was waiting for her, uniform pressed, his yellow belt askew.

  “Ms. Jaya!” He ran over and hugged Jaya’s knees.

  “Ready?

  He didn’t answer and dropped his head. Jaya knelt to look in his eyes and tugged his belt to the center. “Try your best, Jacob. That’s all anyone expects. Even if you make a mistake, try your best.”

  The parents filed in and took their seats along the side of the mat. The children moved through their forms. Jaya loved watching them, proud of their ability, enjoying the confidence they showed. Halfway through his form, Jacob froze. The others moved on and he bowed off the mat. He kept his head down and stood next to Jaya. She hugged him as tears slid down his face.

  “I’m sorry, Ms. Jaya.” His shoulders shook as the tears came harder.

  “Do you want to try again?” Jaya asked softly.

  “I messed up.” He swiped at the snot on his nose.

  “We all mess up sometimes. What’s important is we don’t quit when we mess up.”

  His eyes were wide. “Would you do it with me? I don’t want to do it alone.”

  “Let’s ask Master Dana if it’s okay.”

  Together they moved through the form.

  After the ceremony, on the long walk home, Jaya realized she had to take her own advice.