Sum of the Whole Read online

  “We shall see if you meant your pretty speech or if it is all for naught before we’re through. When you attend me from now on, I prefer you to be naked when we are alone.”

  “Yes, Mistress.” Shoulders square, she presented herself, no longer blushing, and a calm expression on her face. Lips parted, her breath steady, she waited, eyes down.

  Jaya bent her head to Sarah’s neck. She wrapped her hand in her hair, pulling her head back and arching her neck in a delicate bow. She trailed kisses along her throat. Sarah groaned, the sound soft and small as she relaxed into Jaya’s arms. Releasing Sarah’s hair, Jaya melded her length along the smaller woman’s body. She gripped Sarah’s arms as she scattered nips among the kisses, savoring the feel of flesh between her teeth. Little gasps escaped Sarah as Jaya dug her sharp nails into the flesh of her arms. Sarah pushed into Jaya, jutting her hips forward. She let her head fall back, exposing more of her neck to Jaya’s hungry mouth. Bound by Jaya’s embrace, unbound by desire, Sarah softened, opening her mouth when Jaya pressed a kiss to her lips.

  Jaya’s fierce teeth bit down and the coppery taste of Sarah’s blood tinged their kisses. Searing pain shot through Jaya as Sarah’s teeth pulled at her shoulders. She dug her hard thumbs deeper into the flesh of Sarah’s arms, pinning her in a harsh embrace. Pain for pain, pleasure for pleasure. She knows how to push back. Sarah swayed on her feet. Jaya was wet with need, her clit hard. She thrust her hand into the wet heat between Sarah’s legs. Moaning into Jaya’s mouth, Sarah ran her hands over Jaya’s full breasts and pulled at her nipples. Jaya caught Sarah’s wrists and twisted them behind her back, denying her touch.

  Jaya broke their kiss. “Greedy.” She wrenched her arms higher, letting menace fill her voice. Sarah trembled. “You’ve not earned the right to touch me yet.” Releasing her grip, she pushed Sarah down to her knees and stepped back. “End of the bed. Hands on the foot rail.”

  Sarah rushed to obey. Jaya slowed her breathing to regain her control. She opened the armoire. Pegs held a variety of floggers, whips, and canes. It had been years since Jaya had used a cane on anyone. She ran her fingers along her favorite instrument of pain. It’s been too long. Don’t want to damage her. At least not permanently. She settled on a well-used riding crop. Lovely. The braided leather of the crop was dark brown with age, and it was stiff with a small amount of flex. Perfect for Jaya’s intentions, the crop had a wide keeper to prevent her from breaking Sarah’s skin.

  Sarah bent over at the foot of the bed, her hands white-knuckled on the rail, feet wide, back flat, full hips jutting out at the perfect angle. Beautiful. Her heavy breasts swung with her breaths. Nipple clamps? Another time. Jaya walked around Sarah to take in the display. Exquisite.

  “Do you have a safe word?” She rested her hand on Sarah’s head.

  “No, Mistress. They pay us extra if we agree to play without one.” The resigned fear in Sarah’s voice made Jaya frown. Not with me.

  Jaya turned Sarah’s head to look in her eyes. “I’ve never played without one and I’m not going to start now. Pick one.” She bent down and brought her lips close to Sarah’s ear. “It will be between us.”

  “Zero, Mistress.” Sarah shifted her hands on the bed rail, relaxing her grip.

  “Very good.” She pinched Sarah’s nipple hard, drawing a sharp cry from her lips. “I look forward to hearing it.”

  Jaya ran her hands over Sarah’s unmarked beauty. Her skin was pale. Small freckles spilled everywhere. She landed the first caress of the short whip with a light touch, warming up to the flex of the crop and delighting in the popping sound of leather on skin and Sarah’s slight intake of breath. She landed five more blows in quick succession, creating red marks evenly spaced over Sarah’s ass. Sarah’s breathing had shifted. Jaya ran her hand between Sarah’s legs, pinching her flesh and gathering the wetness there on her fingers. Lovely. Willing. Pain slut. Pulling Sarah’s head up, she showed her the wetness on her hand. Sarah licked it clean. The sensation of her mouth on her fingers made Jaya gasp. Yes.

  “Good girl.” Jaya dragged her nails down Sarah’s back and over the welts, enjoying the moan that escaped from Sarah. “Remember your word.”

  Jaya rained down blow after blow. In the quiet of the room, the crop thudded now instead of popped. She listened, gauging Sarah’s reaction to the crop, to the pain, to Jaya’s silence. She heard Sarah’s breathing as it shifted again, as she melted into the pain, letting herself get lost in the haze of endorphins. Sarah’s moans grew throaty and the scent of her desire filled the air. Her thighs glistened in the soft light of the gas lamps. Jaya increased the force of her blows, spreading them over Sarah’s flanks and thighs evenly. In the warmth of the room, sweat trickled down Jaya’s back. Say it. Say it. Let me hear you surrender.

  Jaya walked the razor’s edge of desire. Close to the abyss, she focused on controlling her urge to push Sarah over the edge. She basked in reflected pain, longing to hear surrender and desire in a single word. Jaya’s breathing was ragged, her thighs wet with desire, and small cries escaped her lips with some of the blows. Sarah’s skin was dark red with raised welts. Stop. Now. Sarah’s breathing was rough and she sagged as she clutched the bed rail. Her thighs were wet from her core to her knees.

  She stepped behind Sarah. She placed the handle of the crop between Sarah’s legs, teasing, shifting it, and bringing Sarah to the edge of pleasure. Sobs now mixed with groans as Jaya entered her with the crop, thrusting and twirling it in one motion. Her body shaking, unable to keep her hips still, Sarah pressed back, trying to take more of the crop.

  “Please. Mistress, please,” Sarah whispered. “Please let me come for you.”

  “Wait.” She pulled the crop from Sarah and ran her hands over the submissive’s bent form, the heat from the welts on Sarah’s bottom and thighs warming her hands. Reaching under Sarah, she gathered her breasts in her hands before pulling Sarah’s nipples to hard points. Sarah’s breath hitched and she sighed and moaned under Jaya’s caresses. She swept the smaller woman up in her arms and dropped her on the bed. I need. I want. She caressed Sarah’s curves and pushed her fingers through red-gold curling hair, slick and wet, before plunging them deep inside Sarah’s softness.

  “Please. Please let me touch you, Mistress.” Sarah’s eyes were wide. She gripped the sheets, her knuckles white.

  “Yes.”

  Sarah lifted Jaya’s breasts to her mouth and bent her head to lick and suck Jaya’s nipples. Jaya trembled as Sarah pulled them each in turn deep into her mouth, grazing them with her teeth. I need. I want. Jaya moaned, a low rumble from the depths of her longing. Sarah suckled and teased. Jaya thrust into Sarah harder. Sarah lifted her hands and raked Jaya’s back with her nails. Yes. Hurt me. Harder. Push back. I need. I want. Sharp spikes of pain pulsed through Jaya and she dripped her excitement on Sarah’s thigh.

  Sarah’s hips bucked and she opened her legs wider, striving to take more. Jaya lowered her head, savaging Sarah’s mouth as she ground herself against Sarah’s thigh. She pulled back to look into Sarah’s face. Pleasure played out over Sarah’s features. I need. I want.

  “May I, Mistress? Please. Now. Please. Please let me come for you? Please?” Sarah’s nails dug deeper into Jaya’s skin. I need. I want.

  “Come for me.” Jaya covered Sarah’s mouth with her own. Now. Now. Now.

  She raked her nails down Jaya’s arms and screamed her climax into her mouth. Jaya ground out her pleasure on Sarah’s thigh. Pain and pleasure melding into one, they shook and clung to each other.

  Jaya collapsed next to Sarah, sliding her fingers out gently. Sarah’s head rested against Jaya’s shoulder. She smoothed her hand over Jaya’s brown skin laced with dark tattoos in a language few could read. Saying nothing, she trailed her fingers down Jaya’s sweat-slicked body, stopping above the dark tangle of hair between her legs. Jaya shifted her hips and opened herself, anxious for Sarah to explore her body. More.

  “Yes.” Jaya answered Sarah’s silent question. Sar
ah pressed gentle fingers into Jaya. She grabbed Sarah’s wrist and forced more of her hand hard inside her body. Sarah trembled and raised her eyes to meet Jaya’s gaze.

  “Do. Not. Tease.”

  A feral smile spread across Sarah’s face. Her eyes locked on Jaya’s face, she thrust harder. Oh yes. Yes. Pain and pleasure rolled through Jaya and she let her head fall back. Her breasts rocked and her body shook with each deep thrust. More. More. All of you. Jaya arched her hips and Sarah lowered her mouth to Jaya’s mound of tight, dark curls. She sucked at the hardness there.

  “More.” Jaya shifted, opening her legs wider. Sarah thrust another finger inside and pushed, her strokes fierce and deep, sweeping over Jaya’s sweet spot. She sucked on Jaya’s clit until pain and pleasure fused and Jaya shook as she came again with a low moan. Jaya wrapped her hands in Sarah’s hair, holding her in place as she finished riding out the last of her pleasure on Sarah’s face. Sated, she released her grip on Sarah’s hair. She lay curled on her side with her head on Jaya’s thigh, and Jaya carded her fingers through her hair. Sarah shivered. She moved up and tucked herself into Jaya’s side. Jaya pulled the duvet over her. She rose and poured a glass of water for Sarah.

  “Have some water.”

  Sarah took a drink and placed the glass on the bedside table. “I can’t stay, Mistress.”

  Jaya’s slap came so quickly Sarah’s head snapped with the blow.

  “Presumptuous girl. I didn’t ask you to stay. Do not mistake my concern for the well-being of the house’s property for something more.”

  Sarah cast her eyes down, her face scarlet. She crawled off the bed and lowered her head to the floor. “Forgive me, Mistress.”

  “Go. Now.”

  Sarah stopped to collect her clothes before scurrying from the room. Her body sated, the ache within gone, Jaya smiled as she finished her brandy. Yes. She was the right choice.

  Chapter Two

  WHY IS THIS so hard? Jaya sat at the small table by the window, letting the north light fall across her paper. Settling herself into her chair, she took a breath. She picked up her pencil and her father’s harsh voice echoed in her head. “Stop wasting your time.” Sweat trickled down her back, and she placed the pencil on the table and pressed her hands to her eyes. Flashes of her father’s face, eyes full of disappointment and reproach as he tossed her drawings into the fire wormed their way into her brain. She had watched as the paper turned in on itself, yellow and blue flames consuming her work. Her mother had understood her need to draw and create, but her mother had been gone five years by then and her father had no patience for such things.

  Just do it. Start anywhere. Drawing had been like breathing when she was a little girl. She always had a pencil in her hand. Memories of sitting on the end of her mother’s bed, wrapped in the warmth of her mother’s love as she drew pictures of all the things they would do when her mother came home from the hospital, bubbled up, filling her mind. Her mother had taped each drawing on the wall of her hospital room until she was too weak to get out of bed. No tears. Then or now.

  She refused to remember the pain of losing her mother, the look of anger on her father’s face when he found her drawings, or the smirk on her brother’s face when he admitted he had been the one to tell her father where to look. She had taken a beating that night. Not the first or the last but the one that hurt the most because of her father’s words.

  She went to the washroom and splashed icy water from the tap on her face to ease the burn of bad memories. I can do this. For me. She dried her hands.

  Jaya started drawing, the scratch of her pencil loud in the quiet of the room. She sketched loosely, letting her hand remember how to draw. She closed her eyes, remembering Sarah’s face contorted in pleasure and pain, envisioning the way the dark red marks from the crop highlighted the beauty of the submissive’s pale skin. The sensation of being lost in her world of paper and pencil was familiar and strange at the same time. A loud tap at her door startled her and she flipped her drawing pad over. Still hiding your drawings. No. Not anymore. She flipped the pad back over and answered the door.

  “Yes.” Jaya snatched the door open, trying to keep angry impatience from her voice. The frightened look on the face of the woman in the hall let her know she had failed miserably.

  “Will you be joining us for dinner tonight, Mistress, or would you like to eat in your room?” The woman smoothed her hands down the front of her skirt. “I could serve you here.” She met Jaya’s eyes with a wide smile on her lips. Willing. So willing and so not who I want. Jaya calculated the time it would take to change for dinner. She was comfortable in her tank top and jeans. “I’ll have dinner in my room tonight.” She glanced at her sketchpad and the partially completed drawing of Sarah. Her mouth watered and she did nothing to hide her smile. “Have Sarah bring it, please.”

  The woman’s smile disappeared. “As you wish, Mistress.”

  THE SMELL OF properly spiced biryani filtered in from the hall. Jaya heard the creak of the serving cart as it neared her door. She tucked her pencil away and closed her sketchbook. The hours she had spent drawing seemed like minutes. She opened the door before the knock came.

  Hands on her hips, Sarah quirked her mouth at Jaya. “Your meal, Mistress.” She wheeled the cart into the room. Jaya had thought to simply see Sarah, tease her, and then let her leave. I need. I want. Seeing Sarah’s impatience, she decided she was not letting her go back to the kitchen. She watched as Sarah set the plates out and arranged the covered platters of food.

  “Have you eaten?” Jaya pulled her chair up to the table.

  “No, Mistress.”

  Jaya frowned. “Why not?”

  “I was studying, Mistress. I lost track of time and missed staff dinner.” Sarah fidgeted with her uniform buttons, avoiding Jaya’s eyes.

  “Eat with me.” Jaya gestured towards the heaping platters. “This is more than I can manage.”

  Sarah glanced up and quickly looked down again. She chewed her lip. “I’m supposed to return. I have other meals to deliver.”

  Not tonight you don’t. Jaya knew there were other guests present in the house. Even she had not been able to afford an exclusive stay.

  She tipped her chin at Sarah. “I could order you to stay.” She stood up and cupped Sarah’s face in her hands. She kissed her softly, letting her tongue explore, teasing and nibbling. Sarah opened to her mouth, returning Jaya’s kiss. Her hands settled on Jaya’s waist. She pulled back, breaking their kiss.

  “True, Mistress.” A wicked smile played over her lips. “I couldn’t refuse.” She nuzzled Jaya’s neck, her lips hot on Jaya’s skin.

  Jaya’s tension melted under Sarah’s touch and her words. Sarah uncovered the serving dishes while Jaya made the call to the kitchen. She ignored the huffy sound of the woman’s voice on the other end of the line and hung up the receiver on the antique phone when the woman began to offer other servers.

  “And now—” Jaya brought a chair over and placed it next to her own. “We have the whole night ahead of us. Sit.” She pointed at the chair.

  “With you?” Sarah did not move. She raised her eyes to Jaya’s face, her brow furrowed.

  “That is generally how people eat dinner together. At least where I’m from.” She patted the chair cushion.

  Her shoulders rigid, Sarah perched on the edge of the chair.

  “You’re never going to be able to enjoy dinner unless you relax.” She smiled at Sarah even though some people had told her she looked more menacing when she did. Sarah flushed scarlet. “Eat. No games. No roles. And then after—” She picked up Sarah’s hand and kissed the back of it. “We can play.”

  Sarah lowered her shoulders and picked up the serving spoon. “Tell me, what dish do you want to start?”

  “It all smells so good. A bit of everything, please.” Jaya sat back in her chair.

  Sarah arranged two plates, heaping the white dishes high with food, placing naan around the edges. Jaya’s hunger melted away as
she tucked into the curry and biryani. From under her lashes, she watched Sarah as she ate.

  “What are you studying that is so fascinating you miss meals?” Jaya rested her fork on her plate.

  “I’m taking my graduate record exams in January. Not so tremendously fascinating but necessary. With my duties, I don’t have much time for studying.”

  Duties. Jaya wiped her mouth. Including me. Sarah ate steadily, comfortable in the silence.

  “This is excellent. I’ve not had food like this in a long time.” Jaya sat back, one appetite sated, another appetite building with Sarah’s nearness. Duties.

  Sarah put her fork down and looked into Jaya’s eyes. “Thank you. I was hungry.”

  “You’re welcome.” Jaya pushed back from the table.

  Sarah wiped her mouth with her napkin before she cleared the table, placing the dishes on the serving cart. She sat back down and took a sip of the beer Jaya had poured for her.

  “Would you have more time to study if I didn’t ask for you to serve me?”

  “What?” Sarah’s mouth turned down and she lowered her chin to her chest. “Have I displeased you already?”

  “No. You said you didn’t have much time to study because of your duties. I wondered if it’s because of me.”

  Sarah looked up and held Jaya’s gaze. “I don’t think of serving you as a duty. I have housekeeping and kitchen duties that keep me busy.”

  “What if you studied here?”

  “What? Now?” Sarah raised both eyebrows.

  Jaya laughed. “Maybe not right now. I could request you serve me afternoon tea while I’m here. You could use that time to study.”

  “Study.” Sarah quirked her mouth. “And what else?”

  Jaya leaned back in her chair. “Whatever happens when you need a study break.”

  Sarah chewed her lip. “Cook will lose her shit.”

  “If that is the imperious woman I spoke to on the phone, it makes me want to do it no matter what you say.”